He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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