He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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