3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
