wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
