I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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