Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
