Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize