I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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