Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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