Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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