i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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