mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
