drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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