i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
