What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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