just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
