Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
