you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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