you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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