She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
