I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
