so that wasnt chicken after all
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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