i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize