giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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