3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
