the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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