Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
