i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize