____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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