I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
