we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
