Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
