Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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