i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
