Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Farmville is her only friend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
