I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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