it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
