the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
