I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
