College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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