your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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