youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
