Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Randomize