How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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