I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
