I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize