I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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