Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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