great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't put those talents on a resume
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
