Someone shit on the floor
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
