I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
