Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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