Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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