I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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