you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
