I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
