Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
