i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
BRING THE BAGELS
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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