FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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