i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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