In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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