my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
