And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
