she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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