i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hippo gnu deer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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