He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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