I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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