I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
