I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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