Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize