we're making bets on your personal life
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
