I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
