My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
