C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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